How to Party with an Infant (Hemmings)

Discussion Questions
1. Why does Mele decide to enter the cookbook competition in the first place? What does she mean when she says, "It’s comforting to be able to explain yourself, or to be asked anything at all"? In what ways do the questionnaire and the cookbook become Mele’s diary? How do you think Mele would feel actually to win the competition? Is this even her goal?

2. What do you think about the unconventional format of the novel, from Mele’s revealing first-person responses to the questionnaire and her friends’ stories to the Greek-chorus style emails from the SFMC listserv interjected throughout? How does this creative structure contribute to your understanding of the plot and characters of the novel?

3. Talk about the concepts of "the mommy wars" and "helicopter parenting," and how they come to play out in this novel. Have you ever found yourself the victim of judgment over choices you have made, whether pertaining to parenting or otherwise? How does the author satirize modern parenting in San Francisco?

4. Discuss the crucial role that class plays in the novel; think about specific scenes such as Mele’s first SFMC playgroup with the rich mommies, Annie’s obsession with Tabor Boyard, and Henry’s embarrassment over his friends’ reaction to his home. How and why do certain characters feel defined by and defensive about their wealth (or lack thereof)? Why does social class become such a key part of the relationships and interactions in the novel?

5. The core of the novel is Mele—the careful observer and frustrated writer—listening to the wide-ranging stories of her friends and reimagining their varied experiences as recipes. Of all the stories she hears, whose did you relate to the most and why? Which character would you like to hear more stories from? (And which meal would you most like to eat?)

6. Georgia tells Mele about the night she bailed Chris out of jail and ends up spinning a web of lies for her teenage son—that she was a model, a cocaine addict, and a yogi in India. Why does Georgia lie to her son? What does she stand to gain from the story she tells him? How does her tall tale impact her relationship with her son in the short term, and what does their one unplanned day—when "she’s not on a playground bench staring into space, when she’s not at home watching other people on television making love"—do for Georgia?

7. Why doesn’t Mele confess that she’s taken the Hermes belt from the charity giveaway pile at the Betts’s house? What does the belt symbolize and why does Mele ultimately leave it on the curb?

8. While Annie and Mele have only very young children, Henry, Georgia, and Barrett all have tween and teenage children in addition to their younger children. How do each of these characters’ stories highlight the increasingly complex challenges facing parents of teenagers? What fears about raising children to adulthood do each of these parents reveal in their stories? What can Mele learn about raising Ellie from her friends’ (often cautionary) tales?

9. Despite the fact that Henry’s wife cheats on him and Annie’s husband is constantly traveling for work, Mele is the only one of her friends who is definitely single. What challenges and judgments does Mele face as a single mother? Georgia says that she envies Mele and that she is "free." Do you think that Mele is indeed free, or is it more complicated than that?

10. "Ellie wasn’t a baby anymore, and I was still reacting versus living." How does becoming a mother change Mele? What does she miss about her life before Ellie, and how does she set out to change her approach to her life over the course of the novel? Do you think that she successfully reaches a place where she is in fact living versus reacting? If you are a parent, can you relate to Mele’s sentiment?

11. Discuss how Mele and Bobby’s relationship changes and develops over the course of the novel. Do you think that Mele should ask more of Bobby as a father to Ellie? Why does she decide to attend the wedding? What do you think the future holds for her, Bobby, and the cheesemaker wife?

12. Were you surprised by the end of the novel? What do you think happens next with Mele and Henry?
(Questions issued by the publisher.)

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