Boys & Sex (Orenstein) - Discussion Questions

Discussion Questions
1. William Pollack believes there is a "boy code" that "trains young men to see masculinity in opposition to, and adversarial toward, femininity: a tenuous, ever-shifing position that must be continuously policed" (13). Do you agree? If so, why do you think masculinity is defined so narrowly? If you disagree with Pollack's statement, how would you define today's model for masculinity?

2. Orenstein and the young men she interviews talk about the use of the world "hilarious." What does that word cover up? Why do boys use it? What are some ways to promote more emotionally intelligent responses from boys… and men?

3. Talk about the male use of porn and how it affects their understanding of and expectations for sex. What about the frequent use of violent rape in popular culture—especially in TV shows and movies. Does that have an impact on young (or older) males' thinking about intimate relationships?

4. Talk about the hookup culture? What do you think has caused this evolution in male/female relationships? How does the idea of hook-ups line up with the values of so-called conventional masculinity? What do you think of Wyatt? What does it mean to be a "feminist fuckboy"?

5. How difficult is the path for young gay and trans people? How has society changed, or not changed, when it comes to social queerness? To what extent are younger people more open to gender preferences that don't align with traditional views?

6. What are the pressures that young black men experience on campuses? Did anything surprise you regarding their views on attending predominantly white educational institutions? Why were, or why weren’t, you surprised by what you read?

7. How do we create so-called "good guys"? What, in fact, does it mean to be a good guy? Why do some young men see themselves as not that bad, even when their behavior falls short. How do come of the young men who Orenstein interviews feel about, or understand, coercion?

8. How can we help young men understand the concept of "meaningful consent" in their sexual relations. What do they need to know?

9. In what ways can young men be encouraged to perform their own emotional labor? How do we increase a
young man’s emotional intelligence—or make him aware that being attuned to emotional intelligence isn’t a
bad thing—or a sign of weakness? How do we break the cycle of women being the ones who do emotional labor?
(Questions adapted from the HarperCollins teaching guide.)

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