Love Warrior (Doyle)

Love Warrior:  A Memoir
Glennon Doyle, 2016
Flatiron Press
272 pp.
ISBN-13: 9781250128546


Summary
Oprah’s Book Club 2016 Selection

A journey of self-discovery after the implosion of a marriage.

Just when Glennon Doyle was beginning to feel she had it all figured out—three happy children, a doting spouse, and a writing career so successful that her first book catapulted to the top of the New York Times bestseller list—her husband revealed his infidelity and she was forced to realize that nothing was as it seemed.

A recovering alcoholic and bulimic, Glennon found that rock bottom was a familiar place. In the midst of crisis, she knew to hold on to what she discovered in recovery: that her deepest pain has always held within it an invitation to a richer life.

Love Warrior is the story of one marriage, but it is also the story of the healing that is possible for any of us when we refuse to settle for good enough and begin to face pain and love head-on.

This astonishing memoir reveals how our ideals of masculinity and femininity can make it impossible for a man and a woman to truly know one another. It captures the beauty that unfolds when one couple commits to unlearning everything they've been taught so that they can finally, after thirteen years of marriage, commit to living true—true to themselves and to each other.

Love Warrior is a gorgeous and inspiring account of how we are born to be warriors: strong, powerful, and brave; able to confront the pain and claim the love that exists for us all. This chronicle of a beautiful, brutal journey speaks to anyone who yearns for deeper, truer relationships and a more abundant, authentic life. (From the publisher.)

Author Bio
• Birth—March 20, 1976
• Where—Burke, Virginia, USA
• Education—B.A., James Madison University
• Awards—(see below)
• Currently—lives in Naples, Florida


Glennon Doyle (formerly Doyle Melton) is a New York Times bestselling author of Untamed (2020), Love Warrior (2016), and Carry On, Warrior (2012). She is an activist, philanthropist and the creator of the online community Momastery. She is also president of Together Rising, a non-profit that has raised more than four million dollars for women and children in crisis.

Doyle was born in Burke, Virginia, and comes from a close family that includes one sister, Amanda Doyle. She completed her B.A. at James Madison University in 1998 and became a teacher in Northern Virginia. During her time at James Madison University.

Career
Doye began her online writing career in 2009, with the creation of her blog, Momastery. The funny, conversational and tell-all nature of her writing quickly gained popularity. Viral blog posts beginning with "2011 Lesson #2: Don't Carpe Diem" led to the publication of her memoir, Carry On, Warrior, and the growth of her social media audience.

Her 2016 memoir, Love Warrior, became an Oprah Book Selection. Doyle describes her career and life philosophy like this:

Life is brutal. But it's also beautiful. Brutiful, I call it. Life's brutal and beautiful are woven together so tightly that they can't be separated. Reject the brutal, reject the beauty. So now I embrace both, and I live well and hard and real. My job is to wake up every day, say yes to life's invitation, and let millions of women watch me get up off the floor, walk, stumble, and get back up again.

Glennon is a sought-after public speaker, and her work has been featured on The Today Show, The Talk, OWN, and NPR; in the New York Times, Ladies' Home Journal, Glamour, Family Circle, Parents Magazine, Newsweek,Woman's Day, and The Huffington Post; and in other television and print outlets.

Awards
In 2013, Carry On, Warrior received the Books for a Better Life Best Relationship Award and was a finalist in the Goodreads Choice Awards for "Best Memoir & Autobiography." In 2014, Parents Magazine named Doyle and Momastery the winner of its award for Best All-Around at Social Media. (Author bio adapted from the publisher and Wikipedia Retrieved 9/10/2016.)

Book Reviews
A testament to the power of vulnerability. Glennon shows us the clearest meaning of "To thine own self be true." It's as if she reached into her heart, captured the raw emotions there, and translated them into words that anyone who's ever known pain or shame—in other words, every human on the planet—can relate to. She's bravely put everything on the table for the whole world to see (Oprah's Book Club 2016 selection).
Oprah Winfrey


Glennon Doyle Melton has mastered sharing her emotional life with the world, which she does nearly daily on momastery.com. Now she lays herself bare once again in Love Warrior, chronicling her struggles and the depths of her resilience in the darkest of time. A heroic achievement.
Family Circle


How a marital crisis became a catalyst for a painful but ultimately enlightening journey into the depths of the human heart.... Though the memoir sometimes reads like a self-help book rather than a narrative, it nevertheless tells a compelling story about self-discovery and the nature of mature love. Candid, brave, and generous.
Kirkus Reviews

Discussion Questions
PART ONE
1. Initially, Glennon assumes her marriage began with her wedding. In what ways do we expect weddings to function as beginnings? When do you think a marriage begins?

2. By the time she graduates high school, Glennon has come to see that there are hidden rules about how to matter as a girl (pages 30 and 187). Glennon later understands how she’s been hurt by the messages our culture sends about what success should look and feel like for a woman. What are those messages? Where do they come from? What "hidden rules" did you follow, or feel pressured to follow, as a child or a teenager? How about now? How has following those rules affected your life? What are the hidden rules for boys? How do you think those rules affect the males in your life?

3. When Glennon runs out of places to go, she drives toward God (page 52). How does her experience with Mary compare to her conversation with the priest? Why do you think she feels safe in the presence of Mary? How could the priest have been more helpful or supportive?

4. At Glennon’s first twelve-step meeting, she is relieved to notice that "there are no representatives in this circle, "just "folks who are ready to quit pretending" (pages 66–67). Discuss a time you felt like you had to show up as your representative instead of your true self. How would it have felt to stop pretending?

5. After Glennon accepts her pregnancy as an invitation to come back to life and Craig proposes, she decides she will be a new person. Have you ever wanted to put your old self in a box and tuck it away? Do you believe it’s possible to be a new person?

PART TWO
1. For years in her marriage, Glennon feels lonely because it seems she and Craig cannot meaningfully connect. She says, "He wants to be inside my body like I want to be inside his mind" (page 99). Why do you think men and women often have different understandings of intimacy?

2. When she discovers pornography on the family computer, Glennon realizes she is "part of a system that agrees women are for being… dominated and filmed and sold and laughed at" (page 121). Although her fury "feels primal, all-encompassing…and general and impersonal enough to burn the whole world," she decides to point her anger "directly at Craig" (page 122). Have you ever felt a similar fury? In what ways is it easier to blame a person than a system?

3. After learning of Craig’s infidelities, Glennon wonders, "if the answers to the question of me are not successful wife and mother, then what answers do I have left?" (page 137). What labels would you feel lost without? How do these roles define who you believe you are?

4. Though she would prefer an easier choice, Glennon vows not to use the security of her relationship to avoid her fear and loneliness. She declares that "self-betrayal is allowing fear to overrule the still, small voice of truth"(page 145). What does self-betrayal mean to you? When have you heard your own still, small voice? What habits or activities do you engage in that help you to access that inner wisdom?

5. People respond in varying ways to the news of Glennon’s separation (pages 146–47). Were the descriptions of Shovers, Comparers, Fixers, Reporters, Victims, and God Reps familiar to you? Discuss a time when some onereacted to your pain. What felt supportive? What didn't?

6. While she’s alone at the beach, Glennon’s mother tells her, "Sand and water have always been home to you" (page169). Learning "one true thing" about herself cements Glennon’s commitment to care fiercely for her soul and to become her strongest, healthiest self. What feels like home to you? What is "one true thing" you know about yourself?

PART THREE
1. Reflecting on a passage from Pema Chodron’s When Things Fall Apart, Glennon realizes that pursuing the journey of the warrior means enduring the "hot loneliness" without reaching for what Glennon calls the "easy buttons" (pages201–202). What are some of your go-to easy buttons? What happens when you resist pressing them and choose stillness instead?

2. Glennon says that the poison is not our pain, but the lies we tell about our pain. She writes, "We either allow ourselves to feel the burn of our own pain or someone we love gets burned by it" (page 203). Can you think of a time when you’ve found this statement to be true? How does refusing to experience our own pain hurt others?

3. So many people tell Glennon to breathe that she eventually takes a class on the topic and has a transformative experience (pages 213–20). Have you ever paid close attention to your breath? What do you think your breath can teach you?

4. Reflect on Glennon’s experience during her breathing class. Do you agree that "grace can only be personal if it's also universal" (page 219)? How does this understanding affect Glennon's view of Craig? Do you believe forgiveness can be universal without being personal?

5. Glennon grew up understanding the biblical defnition of "woman" to be "helper." When she questions this, she learns that the original Hebrew word for "woman" has a different translation altogether (page 222). Discuss what Glennon’s discovery that "woman" was created "as a warrior" means to you.

6. When she teaches the children at Sunday school that"they are loved by God—wildly, fiercely, gently, completely,without reservation" and that they have nothing inside of them to be ashamed of, Glennon says she is also speaking to her ten-year-old self (page 232). What would you tell your ten-year-old self?

7. To reunite her body, mind, and spirit, Glennon must learn to tell the story of her insides with her voice, which she does for the first time in the scene with the man and the garbage truck (pages 235–37). Do you think the man intended to hurt Glennon with his behavior? How did her response effectively honor them both? When have you given voice to your inside self? Was that experience comfortable or difficult, and why?

8. What do you think allows for the creation of physical intimacy between Glennon and Craig? Discuss the idea of consent and how voicing needs and concerns can create safety and connection (pages 237, 241, and 249).

9. What do you think it means to be sexy? Revisit Glennon’s previous understanding of sexy (page 248) and the explanation of sexy she gives to her daughters (page 252). Is there anything you would add or change?

10. The ending of Love Warrior is deliberately ambiguous. Why do you think that is? Were you tempted to root for a happily ever after? In what ways does our society equate staying married with success? In what ways can separation or divorce be considered successes?
(Questions issued by the publisher.)

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