5-DAY FAST Recommended for Readers

New York City — In a shocking move today, the book trade called for a 5-DAY READING FAST.

"We've seen the research," said Sara Reed of St. Marty's Press. "Too much reading GUNKS UP the brain. Science, you know."

"Try dumping pancake batter all over your car engine," she said. "It goops up the system so it can't work. It's like that."

The industry is woke. Readers, the experts say, need a DEEP CLEANSE—a halt to reading for 5 days.

When asked if fasting will cut into sales, Pytor Gloverloft, the owner of Kansas City's beloved TOP-SHELF BOOZE & BOOKS, believes readers will return in droves—with a renewed thirst for fiction.

"Readers need a break," he says." We predict they'll begin to read with intensified FOCUS and EMPATHY."

How should readers break their fast? "With JANE AUSTEN, of course!" says Gloverloft. "SMALL SIPS of 18th-century social satire—with a GLASS OF PORT—there's nothing better."
 

Cherie Belle Korteks, special to City Examiner
and LitLovers