We Fake News—LitLovers acquires new owner

Austin, Texas: June 19, 2017 — In a surprise move today, Whole Foods and Amazon announced the takeover of LitLovers.

The acquisition came only days after the organic food chain was bought by Amazon.

"LitLovers fits perfectly in our shopping cart," said Biff Jezos, founder and head of Amazon. "After buying The Washington Post, then Whole Foods, LitLovers makes strategic sense." 

Wall Street positively crowed. "It's the ideal combination of vertical integration and economies of scale," said Janie Diamond, head of P.J. Morgan.

When asked if it was a FRIENDLY or HOSTILE takeover, Molly Lundquist of LitLovers said …

"Biff Jeszos and I are great friends. We both know what its like to start your own business. Besides, what's hostile about $3.5 billion in the bank?"

Alongside books, LitLovers will be adding a new line of pre-cut fruits and vegetables, ideal snacks for sedentary readers. According to Ms. Lundquist …

"Research shows that reading leads to WEIGHT GAIN—I should know. Now we're offering a chance to replace those bags of chips and pints of ice cream with healthy foods. It's a winning synergy."

Cherie Belle Korteks
Special to City Examiner and LitLovers