We Fake News—celebrity authors on drugs


Top Authors Admit to Drug Use

        Drugs Wreaking Havoc

New York, NY
— Bestselling author Ken Fowlett's latest—the fourth volume of his new trilogy—exceeds 2,200 pages.

"I've never felt so good," chirped Fowlett. "I've got cleaner key strokes and more staying power than ever before."

Fowlett isn't alone. Dozens of celebrity authors—joining their peers in sports—have turned to performance-enhancing drugs to increase their output.

No Sweat
An unnamed New York editor said the drugs enable authors "to pound out longer and longer sentences—without breaking a sweat."

"The result," she said, "is stupefyingly longer books."

A question of quality
Yale's Harold Bloom spoke for many when he raised the question of length vs.quality. "Longer is not necessarily better,"he said in his typically cryptic fashion.

Authors defensive
"That's grossly unfair," said best selling author Donna Tartly. "We're giving readers a hell of a lot more than they pay for. They're lucky, damn lucky."

Ms. Tartly's latest, "The Goldfish," came in at 2,600 pages.

Supersized books
"We used to think of Jim Michener as excessive," said Random Haus CEO Don Doubleknopf. "Now we consider his books quaint novellas.

Worried publishers
The publishing world is concerned about a public backlash.

"It's ironic," said Gordon Gorden, a marketing director at Simon & Shooter. "Books are getting longer just as attention spans are getting shorter."

"Some of us worry that readers have already parked the car at Twitter," he said.

Fronta Loeb, special to The Daily News and LitLovers.

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