Long Book Titles Are Out

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Government Clamps Down on Excessive Titles
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Charges of Blatant Overreach

Dec. 12, 2016: Washington, DC— In a rare show of bi-partisanship, Congress cried foul today when the Department of Homeland Security moved to put an end to excessively long book titles.

"It's a case of blatant government overreach," said House Speaker Paul Rand Paul. In a joint press conference held in the Capitol Rotunda, Shuck Chumer, Senate Minority leader, concurred.

Vulnerable to hacking
But Homeland Security officials say they worry that long titles have made the U.S. vulnerable to its enemies. They are particularly concerned that book titles may carry coded intelligence messages, which they fear are easily hacked.

"Some titles are up to 30 words in length," said John Doe of the CIA. "We know Russia is capable of hacking these things and gaining access to U.S. secrets."

Special Agent Doe gave as an example Margot Lee Shetterly's Hidden Figures: The American Dream and the Untold Story of The Black Women Mathematicians Who Helped America Whoop the Soviet's Ass and Win the Space Race All the While Raising Their Children and Struggling Against Racism and the Man.

Buried code
"We have reason to believe there's a piece of code buried in that title," he said. "Why else would anyone write like that?"

Other examples include the new biography by Julia Baird—Victoria: The Queen: An Intimate Biography of the Woman Who Became Queen at Eighteen, Loved Sex, Had Nine Children and a Fussy Husband, Yet Still Found Time to Rule Over a Vast (and Yet to Crumble) World Empire.

Publishers agree
The trend toward longer titles has dismayed those in the book business, though for different reasons.

"Long titles confuse young people. They read the titles and think they've read the book," said Steve Holt of Steve Holt, Steve Holt!, Inc,

"Titles are longer than Twitter posts," he said, "and that's a problem."



Fronta L. Loeb, special to The Daily News and LitLovers.

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