We Fake News—authors slug it out for November

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Authors Battle for November Contest

Sharp Barbs, Nasty Insults

Feb. 28, 2016: Greenville, NC—
"I saw him back stage piling makeup on with a trowel," AUTHOR Marco Rubiat said of rival author Don d'Triumph.*

"Who cares. I KNOW WORDS. I have the BEST WORDS," d'Triumph responded. "Everybody LOVES MY WORDS." *

"Doesn't matter. You've still got one of those sweat mustaches," Rubiat retorted.*

National Book Awards
We're still months away, but authors have already begun a slugfest to see who will win come November.

* Actually spoken by the candidates.

November is when the coveted NATIONAL BOOK AWARDS are announced. This year stakes are high with tempers running even higher.

Never this bad
"I've never seen it get this nasty," said Reagan Eagan, awards jurist. "Authors typically behave with greater decorum."

True. Still, it's hard not to feel a twinge of guilty pleasure listening to these Olympiads sling their polished insults.

Charge of elitism
One debate had best- selling AUTHOR Bernie Sandbag calling rival Hillary Clinchpin a sellout.

"You don't give a hoot for the average reader," Sandbag said. All you care about is Goldman Smacks.

Emails
Tedino Cruz chimed in that people are a lot more interested in Hillary's emails than her books.

"Pipe down," Tedino. Nobody likes you," Hillary said. "Even your editors don't like you."

Their novels
"OMG!" said one book critic. "This beats any of their novels. The language is poetic ... the characters so believable.

Another critic agreed: "No one could write this stuff. No one would even try."

Fronta Loeb, special to The Daily News and LitLovers.

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